Sandwichtabulatron
As I laid in bed last night thinking of Philly Cheese-steaks and video games, I postulated that there might be a way to bring the 2 together. I sketched out an idea for a quantum computer that would be able to crunch the massive amount of data.
With the aid of a hammer, some duct tape and tin foil, I was able to construct a machine capable of processing the complex equations needed to determine exactly what sandwich correlates best to which game.
Confused?
Let’s take the game Grand Theft Auto 4 as an example. GTA 4 correlates perfectly with a Feast Sandwich from Subway with everything on it. It’s a little unsettling. It might have some stuff you don’t particularly like, but there is so much to it that you can’t help but find something to enjoy.
Still confused?
Let’s take the game Duck Hunt as another example. Duck Hunt correlates almost perfectly with a grill cheese sandwich. Elegant in its perfect simplicity. You might not even know you want one, but once you start it is virtually impossible to not enjoy yourself. Like a grill cheese sandwich, you really can’t go wrong with Duck Hunt.
Super Mario Bros. is a Peanut Butter and Jelly (perfectly captures the innocence and fun of childhood), Street Fighter 2 is a Pastrami on Rye (packed with flavor and a little kick), Super Street Fighter 4 is a Rachel (similar to the original but with enough extra to give it a different flavor), Call of Duty 2 is a Strammer Max (crazy German sandwich with sausage for a crazy game about shooting Germans), and UFC Undisputed is a Beef on Weck (a beefy meaty sandwich with pretzel salt, because in the UFC you have meaty men twisting each other like a Pretzel).
Given the huge amount of games out there, a few sandwiches might work for several games. So you might get a repeat or two. This doesn’t mean that the machine is broken. This simply means that one sandwich is powerful enough to work for multiple games. Also, for the purposes of the Sandwichtabulatron, if it involves two slices of bread with something stuck in between, that makes it a sandwich by definition, so that means Hamburgers and Hot Dogs are in.
Put a game in the comment section below or email shaolinjesus [at] wingdamage.com and the Sandwichtabulatron vers. 1.01 will beep and boop until it spits out the answer. (answers might take up to 48 hours to calculate)
Disagree with the Sandwichtabulatron? Let us know, below.
Tags: Call of Duty 2, duck hunt, Grand Theft Auto 4, Street Fighter 2, Super Mario Bros., Super Street Fighter IV, UFC Undisputed
This entry was posted on Friday, August 27th, 2010 at 2:57 pm and is filed under Articles. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
August 31st, 2010 at 8:06 am
Brian says:I’m surprised no one has commented, this is cool. I choose Metal Gear Solid 3 though. See what you can come up with that, haha.
August 31st, 2010 at 8:08 am
Jesse "Main Finger" Gregory says:How about the original Mega Man?
August 31st, 2010 at 10:00 am
Dave "shaolinjesus" Corvin says:Metal Gear Solid 3 = a sandwich loaf, a stacked party entrée that looks like a cake but contains all sorts of surprises as you slice through it each layer reveals something new and exciting.
September 1st, 2010 at 1:07 pm
shaolinjesus says:Mega Man = a gutbuster, a humongous stomach bursting sandwich that starts out easy but requires an iron will to reach the end.
September 2nd, 2010 at 4:34 am
Michelle says:Hahah, I love the analogy, I’m just having trouble following it all with the specific Americanisms you’re using. Grill cheese? Beef on Weck? Huh…